2023 Claudia Emerson Teen Poetry Contest

There I stand, on the cliffside staring at the rolling waves
I teter over the edge, but never let myself tumble
The wind wants to push me in
It dances and spirals around my delicate skin and kisses my scarlet cheeks
It tugs on my hand and invites me to the aquatic dancefloor
But my feet stay anchored to the blades Mother laid beneath my feet

I cannot jump, so I turn to begin my descent back to the base
But I am met with the Spirit of the Midas Mums staring back at me
His steps are soft, but firm
Heavy, but light
Irate, but joyful
The Spirit of the Midas Mums says nothing, and says everything
Perhaps the Shakespearean beldams were right
Fair is foul, foul is fair

He stops his stride when he meets my eyes
Dark brown globes swallowing the pupil and any light they meet
I wish they shined amber in golden candle light
But they are as dark as coal and no amount of pressure could turn them to diamonds
Without a word, he takes my hand and guides me to the edge
Once we arrive, he stands, staring out at the deep blue sea with me
I anticipate him to sprout thorns and send me plummeting, but he doesn’t

After a short time, I open my mouth and ask him
“Why haven’t you pushed me in yet?”
He has a way of telling me things
His mouth, if he has one, remains tightly sealed but I can feel everything he has to say
Because it is not my place. I cannot force you into the water.
The most I can do is walk you here. I stand with you as you feel her breath.
Feel her around you, listen to her song. If you still cannot take the leap,
I will take you home.

I close my eyes and heed his words
Feel her around you, listen to her song
With my free hand, I reach out to the crisp breeze
I let my mind flood of how gentle her touch is, and how she refreshes and calms
I listen close to the waves crashing against the rocks
She is energetic, but not violent
Her chaos soothes me, fills my mind with tranquility
In that moment, all I want is to be enveloped by her

“Spirit, what if I drown?”
You won’t drown. If the water takes your breath away, I will give it back.
As long as I am here, you will survive.
The Spirit of Midas Mums doesn’t understand that surviving is the least of my worries
“But… what if it hurts?”
The Spirit turns to face me and takes my hands in his
Then it hurts. Life hurts. It always will. But maybe she will welcome you.
Maybe she will cradle you and rock you to sleep, that’s what you want, isn’t it?
For months you have been longing for her. She is all you want.
But you will never get her if you don’t leap.

I break eye contact with him and recenter my gaze on my roaring oceanic love
“If my heart shatters on impact, will you sit with me and help piece it back together?”
My Midas Spirit nods and retreats behind me, signaling that he believes I am ready
I look at him for a moment, tempted to ask him to come back and take me home
But I don’t

I proceed even further until my heels are the only things securing me to land
In that moment I am frozen, but everything in me wants to dive
Breathe, breathe, breathe
Inhale, 1, 2, 3, 4,
Hold, 1, 2, 3, 4,
Exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4
As the breath leaves my lungs I feel my muscles unclench
I extend my arms like a bird ready to take flight
My eyes close gently as I lean forward and let myself topple over the edge