Do you know what your “love language” is? If you adore it when your husband takes out the trash and he enjoys going out to dinner with you more than anything, your love language may be “Acts of Service” while his may be “Quality Time.” In The Five Love Languages: The Secret to a Love that Lasts, Dr. Gary Chapman asserts that every person speaks one of these “primary” love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, or Gifts. People can also speak a secondary language, but the primary language is the most important. Although the focus of this book is on romantic relationships (primarily marriage), Chapman also has applied this concept to relationships with children, teens, and co-workers in other books.
It’s important to know your mate’s love language so that you can speak it well, Chapman asserts. Doing so will enable his or her “love tank” to be filled, which will lead to a happier person and a thriving relationship. Chapman constantly underscores that successful relationships take work, and if you do not speak your spouse's love language, he or she will not truly feel loved. While these concepts seem simple, I found Dr. Chapman’s book very enlightening. I look at my own children and see quickly which ones speak the “quality time” or “physical touch” love language and then try to increase doing that. Family squabbles are now talked about in terms of an empty love tank or not speaking that person’s primary love language.
To find out your own love language, take this quiz on Dr. Chapman’s Web site: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/. Then, check out the book from the library to explore the love languages further.